For this very blogpost, I would like to remember Alexander's lines-
"Doing Doing Doing. That is all that matters."
I wake up with these vague images in the middle of the night.
I see a girl child on a cradle, who is crying. I don't know who she is. Her face seems blurred, but she is crying.
Then I see a familiar image. Of my mother, maybe?
She is sitting with her head down, squeezed in a corner of the room. She is sobbing, and clutching her hair with her hands.
Suddenly I see two familiar faces again, who are shouting at her, mocking, ridiculing.
The woman joins hands and asks for mercy.
And then suddenly the nightmare ends.
I wake up, I see myself in sweat. Even though my AC is on, I am drenched.
I go and tell my mother this. Her face freezes. She is stunned.
And then she tells that it was indeed her, and the kid was indeed me. She is surprised, how my mind has stored the images of something 20 year old. She tells me how she was brought to an unknown place, married at an early age, and how she was left to the demons when dad wasn't there. How they mocked at her because she overslept, because the whole night she was looking after her kid! How they passed ridiculous comments when she just walked outside the house for some fresh air?
But then she tells me, actually orders me- "This should not change your attitude towards your grandparents. They are older than you and you should respect their age."
Why does age override everything else? Why are you supposed to behave well, be submissive, comply to authority which is wrong? Why can't a woman, when beaten up, or verbally abused, walk out of the house instantly with her kid, and live in the society happily? Why does even society matter here? She can't do it. Because she is just 20? She can't take care of her self? So why was she even married at that age? Why cant a boy fight his parents when he sees his wife getting abused? Where does his manhood go?Why does it hide behind his "small age"?Making a woman marry against her will, then beating her up, making her bear a child, and then commanding good behaviour, is a mark of insanity. Our constitution, society, race does not support Insanity. All women should know, they should marry when they want to. Heck, if they DO NOT want to marry, they may as well not marry. And no one has the right to pass comments, suspect her sexuality, or hush-hush about her being "something else".We were born for living our own lives, not for ruining others'.
I still remember, 17 years ago,
I sat for eating dinner along with my brother. He had taken 2 extra rotis. He realised it after eating when he was half way done, and told my mother to take it. She refused, and without asking me, put it on my plate, even though I was done eating. My mother forced me to eat it, saying "It is your brother's left-over, you should not deny eating it."
Some months later, I was the one with the extra food. It went straight to the dustbin.
I also remember, my pencil box and school bag ( along with many other things) were not mine, my brother's were handed over to me because he got new ones. I was the one who was told to "come inside the house by 5", and my brother often played outside till 9.
Why is that the boy in the family is treated like a God? Why is the girl the patent dustbin of the house? Why is she restricted from going outside because boys can hit on them instead of making boys learn how to respect woman?I am writing this today here because brother brought gifts for his kids today. I told him, as I had not seen what he had bought them- "Ofcourse, now Rakshita has to use Ravi's old toys isn't it?" He was taken aback and said- "Of course not. I brought her a Doll house."
If every modern adolescent knows that there IS gender partiality, they should not blame the customs, but should be the change they want to be. No one is going to change and bring a whole new system but you. If your sister was shown partiality and you could not do anything because of your "age" (here we go again), at least make it a point to treat your daughter in the right way. Moreover, welcome a daughter heartily in your life first.
I was walking down the road, and I heard a girl saying to a middle-aged man, "Zyaada kia to sexual assault ka case kardoongi."
What had he done? Asked for rent twice on the same day and threatened to make her leave the house by calling some authority.
Yet another day, I heard a girl saying "I just raped the question paper." ( Meaning being she did well.)
One day I had to console a girl because she was crying on a comment passed by a guy saying "Tujhe kaun rape karega? Dekha hai apne aap ko?"
She was sad because she was not "attractive enough" to be even "seen by guys", not because she was indirectly connected with that hideous word "Rape".
When girls themselves have taken these matters in such an abominable direction, what can we possibly do to mend them? Why is chivalry expected when there is a fight for gender equality? Why is there no word for a woman showing respect to a man? Of course, women are in worse condition than men. But still, if it is all about equality, why not in every aspect of "gender roles"? Why is a man supposed to bow down and kiss a woman's hand, let her walk first?Because alongwith chauvinism with a sprinkle of forced chivalry, comes hypocrisy. Chivalry, was actually the combination of qualities expected of an ideal knight- courage, honor justice, and a readiness to help the weak .
If you do not want men to look down upon you, do not expect them to open the door and let you walk first. Let girl and a guy walk together. Let the girl pull her own chair and sit in a restaurant. Let her open her own doors. Let chivalry be dead for good.
I just saw an episode of a Khap crime today. Parents killed her own daughter because she wanted to marry a man of a lower caste. Why is this impossible?
Because it breaks the chain of traditions. How can a high caste girl marry a lower caste boy?
How can she go against the old rural traditions?
Why the fear of "breaking the traditions?" The man and the woman who killed their own daughter, lived in a 3-floored bungalow, had a Porsche, worked in an office. Our tradition does not support extravagance. We are the country of ascetics aren't we? So if we really are ardent followers of tradition, why don't we live in huts? Why do we buy cars and all other materials when our "tradition" does not support materialistic life? Why don't we wear Traditional wear everyday? Why do we hold jobs according to our wills and make money when our rules do not prescribe hoarding of wealth?Just because ancestors made us follow the traditions their elders made them follow, does not mean one will force his child to do the same. "Tradition" is just an excuse. It is mere intolerance. It is a feeling of "How can she afford to do what he wants when I was not able to?" The "tradition" is passed on because of this misplaced jealousy. If all the "rules" in our texts were followed "religiously", we would still be living in huts and eating out of alms.
Radha, Riddhima, Raj and Shyam after writing their diaries, logged into FB, updated random statuses, commented on each other's statuses, posted on each others' walls and had long chats with each other.
Next day they all went to college ( the same college). Radha passed by Riddhima, but did not acknowledge her presence, even though they had had a long conversation about some random film on Facebook. Raj and Riddhima did not even look at each other in class even though both of them had liked each others' profile pictures and had commented on it. Shyam said a very hesitant "hi" to Raj even though they had discussed Football on the net long time back.
When Raj went online that day, he sent a hi to Riddhima first.
Why is social networking making us more disconnected? Why have we lost the guts to talk face to face? Why is a person stranger in reality but a confidante in an anonymous, computerised relationship?We have "Windows" to open this anonymous "communication" but all doors are closed to reality, real face to face conversations.
We follow old rules, we follow traditions, we want to have a "just" society and we want "freedom of speech" for all of it to happen.
But where will this come from when "speech" is just mere "words coming out of Qwerty" and not your vocal cord? We ourselves, have suppressed our voices behind those LCDs.
We have made the freedom go out of our hands ourselves.
This has made us more fearful, more inhibited.
If everything needs to be solved, only one thing needs to be done-
Get out there out in the open, and LIVE LIFE in its full actuality. Talk, not just type. Voice your opinions to the person who matters, do not INBOX your feelings. Sign an actual petition, do not mail it. Solve problems, do not update a status about them or write a note and tag me or your friend in it. Because you know I don't care, and because I know you don't care yourself because if you really did, you would do something about it rather than making it a post in Facebook.
Do not just blog, go out there and do it.